Out with the Old
by Fallen Ark Angel
Summary: Mirajane has a problem with holding on to things. Laxus just has a problem with her stupid dog. - One-shot.


"You need a new couch."

"No, I don't."

"Yeah, demon," Laxus complained as, upon sitting on the filthy old thing, he sunk into the overly used cushions. "You do."

"No," was her simple reply as she walked passed, her equally as old dog following close behind. The beast spared Laxus a glance, but mostly ignored him.

They'd come to an agreement of sorts.

Mainly, Laxus was allowed to be around Mirajane so long as he was there to supervise. Unless he was out running the streets like the filthy stray he was.

"You need," Laxus had complained a few months before to his girlfriend as he literally had to run from her front yard and straight into the front door, in order to avoid the mutt as he hid in the bushes, almost as if waiting for the man, "a new dog."

"No," Mira giggled as, after allowing the man in, she tossed a treat out the door, for the dumb stupid canine. "I don't."

And she didn't. At all. She was insistent upon that. He'd been her baby, once upon a time, and he'd have loved Laxus then. But now Alexandria was her crotchety old man and he just wasn't fond of change.

What did he want from her? Huh? She couldn't just shoo him off. If she didn't feed him, who would?

"You need," Laxus growled one day when Mirajane ordered him to get the leftovers out of the icebox, so she could take it out to the old mutt, which he quickly found wasn't working as everything in there was warm, "a new fridge."

"No," Mira told him as she only went off to find her brother and a tool box, so he could fix it, "I don't."

She was this way about most things. She didn't need a new movie lacrima even though you had to bang it a few times every ten minutes to keep it working. She didn't need a new fence outback, not when you could just keep hammering the boards back up. No need for a new backdoor, even though you couldn't lock it, really, other than shove a chair up under it because the doorknob, which she also didn't need a new one, didn't turn. She didn't need a new work schedule even though the woman was never off.

Nothing new. If it wasn't clothes, which could just be added, not interchanged, Mira wasn't receptive to it. She went through enough changes over the course of her life, up at work, even; her personal life, she liked to stay as close to the same as possible.

"But you got a new boyfriend," Laxus complained.

"Who?"

"Me, Mira."

She grinned then. "I just wanted to hear you say it."

"Demon-"

"I don't like...updating, Laxus," she told him as he sat at her rickety old kitchen table, watching her sweep the cracked linoleum floor. "I like old. It's why I like you."

He sighed some, not even taking offense. Only remarking, "I just don't understand you, woman."

"That's okay," Mirajane assured him. "I understand myself perfectly."

Maybe. Laxus was pretty sure that she didn't. That she misconstrued doing things that placated herself as actually being what she needed. It wasn't. He knew it wasn't. He just wasn't sure how to convince the woman of that.

"Just," Evergreen told him bluntly, as she did anytime Laxus brought up something about the Strauss woman, "break up with her."

"Or stop trying to change her," Freed offered with a bit of a shrug. "You shouldn't be with someone who you only wish to change."

As he glared at them though, one day after a training session as they all sat about a clearing, recovering, Bickslow decided to toss out his own wisdom.

"Maybe, boss," he offered up to the man as he'd mostly been watching his babies float about above his head, "you could, you know, just do all those things anyways?"

"What do you mean?" Freed asked as Evergreen only huffed, annoyed they were digging beyond her very simple solution. "Bickslow?"

"Like go ahead, buy her a new fridge," the seith insisted. "Replace her fence. Put the dog to sleep and buy her a puppy."

"Do not," Evergreen finally spoke as, even as a woman with stone for a heart, she couldn't imagine the disaster that would bring, "do that."

"Or any of that," Freed cautioned. "Honestly, Laxus, I do not see this going well. Are you listening?"

Yes, but he was still going to do it.

"What's going on?" Mira questioned a few days later when she arrived to find Elfman on the front porch, pouting as the old mutt sat at his side. "Elf?"

"Laxus says that a real man would recognize when his sister needs a new brother."

"Wh- Laxus!" She was bypassing the muscular man then, but less because she cared about all that (the boys fought all the time; they always made up...when she forced them to) and more because she finally spotted her old fridge sitting out on the porch as well. "What is going on?"

"Uh, try I'm fixing your shitty life." The slayer only peaked out from behind the front door though, very cautious of the dog out there. "You're welcome."

She only shoved her way in though to find Bickslow and Freed in there, along with Lisanna who was more than impressed with the Strauss house kicking their frequently malfunctioning icebox to the curb.

"Now," she was saying as Mira stalked into the kitchen, "Laxus can get me a super expensive coffeepot, huh?"

"Why would Laxus do that? And what would be the point of that?" the slayer asked. "Huh? What does that even mean? Don't they all just make coffee?"

"Oh, innocent Laxus," she hummed as Bickslow, excited to see Mirajane was home, took to gesturing in excitement to the new fridge while his dolls only began chanting.

"Ta-da!" they sang as they floated about. "Mirajane!"

Her smoldering gaze, however, was more than enough to make the others realize the horrible situation they were all about to be stuck in.

"This was not my choice, Mirajane, I assure you," Freed was quick to say, because yeah, he never wanted to go against Laxus, never ever, but he also didn't feel like going up against Satan Soul in that moment.

Because they were certain going up against Satan Soul. All of them. Even poor, innocent Lisanna.

"Where," came her deepest of tones, Mirajane's did, as she slowly turned to glare only at the slayer, "do you get off? Huh? To think that you would just come into my home and violate it-"

"Vio- Mira, that thing shocked me! The other day! When I reached in it!"

"Maybe you're the one that shocked it. Ever think of that? Huh? Sparky?"

Everyone was uncomfortable then. Everyone. Especially Bickslow who only whispered, "Spark?" to Freed questioningly.

Clearly, Mirajane was trying to cut deep with her insults.

As deep as she could, anyways.

"What?" Laxus was growling then, fists clinched. "Mirajane, are you dense?"

Yes. Why was he asking?

"I'm helping you," he kept up. "How hard is that to understand? Huh? You can't live like this, Mirajane. It's ridiculous that you live like this. Things break. Things get old. You get new ones."

"Like," Lisanna whispered softly, hoping to aid along her dream, "coffee pots."

"Or dogs," Bickslow added as Freed only tried to make himself as scarce as possible. It was hard; the kitchen wasn't very big.

"I didn't ask for your help, Laxus." Luckily, she and the slayer hardly noticed the others, now both facing one another as they stood toe to toe, glaring. "With anything. I don't want it. Nothing was wrong here. Nothing-"

"Everything was wrong! Especially with you. What's wrong with you, huh? Mirajane? Call me names. I don't have to put up with this. I don't-"

"Then don't."

He didn't even care about her devil dog outside then as he stormed out of the house, slamming her front door behind him. This was a problem for Bickslow and Freed, who were trying to get the hell out of there as well and had to reopen it, but he didn't care about them. Not one bit.

It was as he was stomping across the yard (Alexandria the close to death dog couldn't be bothered with chasing him; not if he was leaving anyways) that Evergreen, always fashionably late (especially to something she didn't want to do anyways), showed up. Frowning at the fleeing Laxus and even more at the yelling at him from the porch Mirajane, she was about to hightail it right back down to the guild to get the juicy gossip scoop from Bickslow and Freed when Elfman, at the sight of the woman, rose to his feet.

"Hey, Evergreen," he greeted as he walked right over and she only toyed with her glasses, trying to decide on her mood that day. Depending on it, he might just turn into a lawn ornament. "I guess you've heard from Laxus, huh? Men aren't supposed to live with their sisters forever. I guess I kind of agree."

"Is that what's going on?" Ever frowned as Mirajane stomped back into the house once Laxus was too far gone to hear her yelling after him. "Your sister sure is taking you leaving terrible."

Elfman only shrugged. "Laxus said though, that men are supposed to live with significant others."

"Did he?" She examined her nails then. In need of filing. "Well, I hope you and Freed are happy together."

"I- Hey, wait, what? No! Ever, you're supposed to ask me to move in with you."

"Not happening." She'd only just moved out of the dormitory and into her own, real place. She was not going to let the man muck that up. No way. "But I do know of a free room at Fairy Hills-"

"That's a girls dorm!"

"I've given you two viable options," she complained simply. "And yet-"

"Elfman!" Lisanna was coming out on the porch then. "Uh, can you come help? Sis is… Well-"

"Duty calls," he sighed as Evergreen only watched. "If you're sure."

Completely.

Laxus never wanted to see Mirajane again. He was on a warpath on his way to the hall, growling and practically foaming at the mouth. He drank himself silly that night and went home to finish the job, blacking out in his own bed, still just as pissed as he had been hours before.

Mirajane stewed around the house, the whole night, and it was only after Lisanna had explained to Elfman that, actually, a lot of brothers lived with their sisters...for their whole lives…it was healthy...that the younger two Strauss went to bed. This gave the elder a chance to decompress without feeling the constant need to mutter "Traitors," under her breath at her siblings.

Coming into her kitchen to get a glass of water, she could feel the anger heat right back up inside of her. Laxus Dreyar had some nerve. Who did he think he was? Huh? Who? Who? She wanted to know who?

Still...well, she did have to go over to it. To look at it. Examine it. Get angry all over again. Open it. Admit that it was quite a bit more spacious. And it didn't smell like something had died in it, like her old one did. And it even had a light in it, so she could see in it at night, and it was just too much.

No.

Laxus would have to get rid of it.

Yes.

"It's too much room," she reasoned as she sat down at the kitchen table, eyes still hard as stone over at the thing. Yeah. "Inside. And outside. Who does he think that he is?"

Someone who cared about her. She could admit that. And just wanted the best for her. He wasn't trying to be a controlling jerk. He didn't mean to come off as a prick. An elitist. A whiner. Her fridge didn't spark him! It...it…

"You're not," was all the woman told him the next morning when, after arriving to the bar and hearing from Kinana about the man's state the night before, she headed right back out, to his home, to take care of him and his incoming hangover, "getting rid of my dog. Or brother."

"Who says I want you here?" he croaked from bleary eyes as he only laid on his cool, bathroom tile floor, hoping for an end to his suffering.

A wrung washcloth on his forehead from the demon was the closest he was going to be getting.

"We apparently don't care what the other says or wants anymore," she pointed out. "Sparky."

He grumbled some, just a bit, gave up rather easily.

Someone did need to get him some aspirin, after all.

It was slow. But steady. The changes the Strauss house went under were all a long time coming, but all appropriate. A new fence here, a new backdoor there, one less Elfman mucking up the place there, and oh, wow, was that Mirajane moving out as well? Leaving all her old stuff behind after a big of convince because the poor, just starting out Lisanna needed it? Could Laxus be that lucky?

"A housewarming gift," Laxus offered to Lisanna as, the last Strauss standing, she immediately had the party of her dreams.

Considering the guest list seemed to just consist of people around the hall he didn't wanna be around anyways, he wasn't even stepping inside. He hoped to never again.

Still, Lisanna only held the coffee maker box closely. "I'll treasure it always. Now, if you could scram-"

"Excuse me?"

"Natsu will try and fight you." She was shoving him out with one hand, holding onto her new gift with the other. "I don't want anymore damage done to my new house."

She was right, anyways. It couldn't stand that kind of throw down.

He had somewhere else to be, anyways. Home. Where he was still trying very hard to balance Mirajane moving in and what that meant.

"Get your damn dog, demon."

"He just doesn't like it when you sit in his chair, is all, Laxus."

"It's my chair!"

He just had to remember, he reminded himself frequently when he and the mutt (he was adjusting quite nicely to Laxus' nice, lush apartment; definite step up), he wasn't the one that came out the worst in the whole Strauss house disbandment.

"How," Evergreen complained frequently when Elfman inevitably got excited over something (happy, sad, angry; it didn't matter, he reacted the same to all) and, while bouncing around, knocked over her coffee table or end table or broke a plate or a mug or just annoyed her, always annoying her, "did I end up with you?"

"Well," he told her truthfully once as he thought. "I wouldda stayed home, with Lisanna, but she was pretty certain that men only live with their oldest sisters. Protect them. Younger sister and older brother? It would just be weird."

"Your whole family's weird," she remarked with squinted eyes and that argument was had a lot.

It could keep them all riled up for days.

Not nearly as much as Laxus, however, when he found that though Mirajane was rather attached to her old stuff, she had no desire to hang onto his.

"Where's my black-"

"Oh, Laxus, that was so old. I'll buy you a new pair."

"But-"

"I donated them. Your old boots. And a few shirts. A couple-"

"Mira-"

"And do you like this couch? Because-"

"You're about to get shipped back to your sister."

But she only grinned from where she sat, in his chair, with her dog, as the pair watched the slayer stalk off to his bedroom.

"He just loves us so much," she assured the dog who, while skeptical only panted in what she assumed was agreement.


End file.
